The Key to YOUR Happiness

Written by Martin Lucas

The challenge with happiness is that it is yours, not mine, not your best friend’s, not your partner, it’s all yours. Happiness is unique to each person, it depends on who you are and what defines your mindset when it comes to feeling happy.

I was acutely aware of this challenge when I was asked to add the final chapter to The Universal Law book. This was my focus as a problem statement:

What is happiness and what stops each individual finding it?

What better way to explain than with an extract from the book explaining part of the background to my research:

Science can often leave us confused or in most educational set ups with a linear rational path but that cannot always be applied in real life simply because we live in an irrational world, a world of feelings, emotions and the inherent selfish nature of being human, it’s just how we are as species, selfishness is the reality of being human not the bad word we are made to think, it’s our survival instinct to protect ourselves. What follows is from decades of research, study and experience of life covering a raft of Sciences (Neuro, Data, Behavioural, Social) alongside my passion of positive behavioural change.

That is about all you will hear about science, my mission has always been to make stuff practical, easy to follow and above all else super simple to take action with. Without action you cannot find your personal happiness, I want you to become the best version of yourself, whatever that may be for you, however, whoever, whatever as that is the secret of the law of attraction, it’s setting yourself free to be happy and then the rest follows.

I was very conscious from the beginning that happiness like all of our states of mind is about the individual, what works for me, cannot be the same for you. We are all unique, from the chemical makeup of our brain to our ability to understand what makes us who we are and the level of awareness about ourselves. With this in mind I did not want to sell a solution for happiness as that would be a rational one size fits all model and neuroscience does not work like that.

A much better way to understand how to find your happiness is to understand the various blockers we all face inside our brains, knowledge is power right? I agree! My chapter was selected at the end of the book because it helps the reader unlock how to be aware of what causes us to resist happiness and how to take control of your own happiness. I used nine points of proof and here is #7, which I love helping people understand:

The Mirror of Life

How does the brain work in a practical sense? To understand that get there we need to focus you on the three F’s:

Friends

You select your friends for a reason, it’s not simply the luck of the draw well not quite as we are drawn to those we relate to, similar interests, likes, dislikes, music, sports, whatever matters to you will matter to them. That is generally how it works, over time they become your inner circle, your alternate family, consider that you tell your closest friends things you would never tell your other family. They are your confidants, you have loyalty and helpfulness (if you don’t then reset the clock and go again!) and if you are like me you would bury bodies for THE closest ones, forgive the body reference, I am Scottish after all and we need to feed stereotypes :).

Family

We started with friends for a reason, you pick em! You can’t pick your family as they say, why does that phrase even exist? Those wonderful people are your family after all, the closest window to yourself that you have but is it a window? I think we need to pivot from window to mirror, that is how I describe family to friends, people I coach or anyone who listens at my speaker gigs. What does a mirror do……

……thats right, it shows you yourself. That is the both the positive and negative side of spending time with your family. We fight it though don’t we, through our phases of life ‘I’ll never be like my parents’ and for the majority we then have kids and realise one day we are just like them. Where this mirror goes awry is when we are not conscious of…..

Frustration

Grrrrrrrr, anger, lack of calmness, everyone is wrong, I am right, see me, hear me, value me, argh!

We all feel frustration at times and our trigger is often family, we do not know why it’s just annoying something <insert family member name>:

Interrupts me

Laughs at me

Challenges me

Tells me I am wrong

Tells me I am stupid

Just gets on my nerves!

You can see where I am going, the mirror of life is your family and to a degree your friends as they present you with behaviours that annoy you for one simple reason:

It is stuff you do but don’t want to admit or see that for yourself. That is why it is frustration, even friends count in this as they are like you so the negative side makes you project at them, about them but the reality, the insight, the honest to the bone truth is that your brain knows it is things you do and you don’t like seeing it as it reminds you of the things you don’t love about yourself. That is not a big morose analysis, it’s just life however if you are aware of this it makes life and relationships better. I will end with some examples that I have seen too many times to mention:

The Gas Station Dude

This example can be seen everywhere because it is super easy to spot in your everyday life. You are in a shop, a gas station shop and there is some dude there and YOU know he’s looking for an outlet for his anger, you can see it in his face, in his eyes, in his movements, dude has had a bad day at work, his boss may have been a dick. So what is his target? Those who are with him!

YOU know exactly what I mean, you can recall this guy, his kid is grabbing at candy on the shelf, his partner is told to control the kid (not him, just the partner gets told), them he’s looking and looking, just ready to pounce, the kid grabs the candy one more time and the volcano erupts, face is red and the partner get told, the kid gets told or often both. Goddamn it, it takes all my will power not to beat the crap out of this bully.

They are simply frustrated about life, about their day or job or money or whatever but is that acceptable? To let your unconscious control your behaviours based on a different reason but who gets it? Those you profess to love and care for. Come on, waken up to who is controlling your behaviours and why! You know this person, you’ve seen it, you’ve felt it, are you becoming that person? Are you that person?

The Critical Judge

The person who complains about everything everyone else does. Now this one will not be hard to find in your life, they are everywhere, they are the person who always knows best no matter the subject and their answer is no positive, whilst not always meant as negative they have become extremely negative in how they see the world. The cause of this is indeed the mirror of life, they feel they have missed their change in life, will never become who they dreamt of, they have given up and taught themselves to focus on criticising everyone and everything that comes across their path instead.

It has become human nature to judge one another and when you feel fear it manifests itself even more so, your fear becomes your shield and that shield is constructed by criticising what you don’t understand, agree with or simple fear. It sounds awful but when you give up on life, give up on your dreams you create a different version of yourself and the critical judge arrives.

The mirror of life is you seeing things you do and do not like and reacting to it, not consciously, you just let your behaviours do the talking. You have control of this if you choose to take control.

There are eight other examples like the Mirror of Life, some you will know straight away and others that will surprise you. The Universal Law is what you may know as Power of Attraction, The Secret or simply positive thinking. Science when used practically can help you understand how positive thinking really works, you will discover that so much of it really is about understanding the blockers your brain creates, remember, the brain does not exist to be happy. The brain simply exists to follow the patterns of life it has always known and you never know what the reason(s) holding you back from being the best version of yourself is. That’s what I set out to help people with and I certainly had fun doing it, made me happy!

I love solving problems about how we think, very grateful to have my 2nd book out. You can buy it here, that costs money, speaking to me is free and if you have a problem relating to people then a call with me is free, minimum you will get is a smile, it’s my expertise :).